Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
