T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
