Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
