She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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