the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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