I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
