Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
