Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
