there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
