You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
