goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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