Rock
Scissors
Fuck
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
