I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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