There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
