this just has baby written all over it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
