yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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