Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
