She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
