Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
