he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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