Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
