You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
