It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
