1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
