The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
