What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I party with great urgency now.
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