Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
