Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
