Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
