So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
