she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well I just put wine in my tea
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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