He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
