remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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