I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I party with great urgency now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
