It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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