We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
