He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
