my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
