Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
