Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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