There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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