walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
