I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
