Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
