she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
