i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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