We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
