this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
