): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
