I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
