she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
