how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
