sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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