Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whose ass print is on the piano?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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