all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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