It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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