So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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