Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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