I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
