he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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