my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
