It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
