saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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