I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
