She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
