I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
