You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Even my vagina gasped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
