he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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